Sunday, November 23, 2003
When I was a kid I trusted my parents for everything. My happy little nuclear bubble kept me interested with educational tools and exciting experiences. I got to be on a float once, as snow white. I don't remember knowing that it was going to happen, just that i ended up being there. Another time I got to go in a fire truck. Another time, My dad took me up a huge mountain (hill) where i wussed out and made him carry me up the rest of the way. Then we sat on the edge and i dangled my feet over the edge of a cliff (I actually think it was a cliff, though likely not more than 50 feet). My dad always let me do the dangerous things. I followed him up a ladder once onto the roof of our house. I was four. My friends have all heard this story, likely more than once. My mom freaked out. She was always that way - so worried that something terrible would happen. The thing is, my dad always figure something terrible would happen only if I knew it could and started doubting myself. He knew I would lose my balance if I got scared. I've never been afraid of heights. My mom always has. I didn't find out she was until I was 18 - my dad never let her tell me. It was almost like they were the antitheses of each other. I'm not sure if that was grammatically correct. Don't correct me if it wasn't, I'm just rambling here. Anyways, my roundabout point is that I always figured my parents knew what they were doing. Being parents meant they were superhuman. My mom was my age. I still feel like that little kid. It turns out that she did too. A little kid with a little girl. And my dad still a big boy who, even though mid fifties, still isn't sure what he wants out of life. I think it's so interesting that when I was a kid I was always anxious. I still trusted my parents implicitly, but I was never sure what was going on. My life happened without my understanding. I was carted here and there like every other kid. Now I don't have that. I'm an "adult" now (so I've been told by the government). But I'm like my dad. A grown up kid (he still calls me that too - will till he dies). I'm Kid. So appropriate. And maybe someday this little girl will have a little girl or boy. They'll think their father and I will know what we are doing. But we won't. I need to keep reminding myself that I will never be prepared for life. Only living life prepares us. Weird sense of humour that God has. He rigs life in his favour so we need to trust Him. I'm glad I've figured that out. Then maybe I'll get to enjoy the ride
Where did all of this come from anyways? I was going to write about something else.
