Wednesday, December 17, 2003
I've only been gone for 6 days and I'm getting snakey and homesick. I miss you guys - alot. No surprise, me being the ever-attached friend. But still, I was thinking I'd be going home for a break. But my mom's stressed, my step-dad is an invalid and its Christmas. That leaves me to cook, clean, wrap, decorate, drive the sickie, feed the stressed one (especially her lunches - since when did I become the mom?). The problem isn't the work, its the attempt at taking initiative and getting things done when those in my care have so much authority over me. I want to tell my parents what to do. But I can't. So while I fill the needs, I'm still being the kid. It makes for a difficult situation. To take charge is patronizing. So I'm left in this slightly subserviant role - though never intentional on their part, I mean absolutely no disrespect. Its just new for all of us. Crazy
Being home makes me reflective. I've been in this weird emotional state for the last couple of days.
Bryan - if you ever try to change your sensitive heart I will cry - weep actually
Slynn - I'm not in the same place as you, but I've learned alot about pain first and second hand. Sometimes second hand is worse because we're on the outside and can't actually help. Like making a sick person more comfortable. We can't make stuff go away, just hopefully ease at least a bit of the pain. Man its a helpless feeling.
Andrew - Damn you and your movie viewing! I wanna see it so bad (I put in poor grammar for your benifit)
Dan - If you get a chance to read this - I love you and hope that things are going okay. Don't feel responsible for making everything be okay. Hug your mom and let her know you love her. If you need to vent or something feel free to email if you get the chance. Anyways, I love you guys lots and am really glad for this site over the holidays. Yay for outside connections. Speaking of, keep you eye out for some new northern updates. Man stuff just gets funnier.
