Thursday, December 18, 2003
Northern life cont'd:
- Hung out with my dad the other night. Had a conversation beginning with: "So Eggy and I ran into Scruffy's girlfriend at the hockey game last night". Breakdown of this sentence -
1. Yes my dad's best buddie's name is Eggy (Short for Egbert)
2. Yes he has a friend named Scruffy
3. Somehow Scruffy has a girlfriend
4. He felt the need to point out that he was at the "hockey" game. Since when does anyone here feel the need to clarify, was I going to confuse the game with cricket? I took this as a sign that Dad thinks I no longer am in touch with my redneck side.
- Earl's (the restraunt) has a focal decoration completly decorated with trees (like a mini forest). Somehow this looks good - seriously it does.
- Starbucks, though superficially identical to its southern counterparts, is not actually similar at all.
1. The workers aren't just friendly to the customers. They actually know them.
2. Picture this - man in suit sitting drinking coffe. Normal? not when he's sitting with a guy in jeans, a plaid jacket and truckers hat. Also, in front of me a guy buys coffee. He is wearing long underwear OVER his jacket with skidoo boots. When I thought of writing this, I realized that most of you wouldn't actually know what these look like. Then I figured I would describe them as mocassins. Then I realized you would probably envision little slippers with beads on the toes. So picture this. They come as high as hooker boots. They are waterproof, bulky and look like they have Cat(the machine) tread on the bottom. Actually, some do.
-Had other conversation with Dad "If you step on the bitch step with your right foot and grab onto the shit handle you'll have an easier time getting in Kid".
1. These are names. Swearing is only contextual. Often regular words just become plain old nouns.
2. The need for dad to even bring this up - he owns a Dodge Ram (2000). Its the size of a small semi.
3. Translation - "bitch step"=running board, shit handles= handles to hang onto when you get in.
Note again - not swearing, only nouns.
- Decorating situation. I had to rearrange the living room to get the tree and stuff to fit properly. This involved moving a stuffed mink - in action hunting stuffed mice. Had to move full size stuffed bear over about 4 inches. took way longer than anything should. Yes I had to move dead animals while decorating for Christmas. My house is a morgue for wild animals. I'm taking pictures so you guys will actually believe me
