The Legoland Convention

There is a couple that comes into my store somtimes. They're old and she's physically handicapped- likely from a stroke or something of the like. She's slow and seemingly walks with much difficulty. He has to be her cane. He sits her down on a comfy chair then goes and orders for them. The striking thing about this couple is his complete look of love and happiness just to be in her company. There is a constant light of pleasure with these two. Its as though there is nothing he would rather do than be her cane and take care of her. Like its a personal hobby.
After pondering this I came to a realization. I can relate to this man somewhat. I like loving and taking care of others. I would like to think that if I were in his situation I would be the same way. However, I cannot relate to her. She has a man who loves her and takes care of her, but she does not have the ability to love him back in the same way. Even in her state of handicaps she is loved unconditionally. This I cannot relate to. Don't expect the typical God type phrases. I'm aware of the parallel and actually feel unconditionally loved by God. This isn't about Him, but about men. I've come to realize that deep down I feel as though I will not be loved without having something useful to contribute. But if this "love" I receive is conditional, then it isn't really love is it? So I guess in essence, I do not believe I will be loved. Yikes. That is not a pretty conclusion to come to. How do I work on that sort of thing? My mind and heart can't seem to come to an agreement. I know prayer is useful [it always is], but is there something practical i can do? I'm surrounded by great guys that i think highly of. But its like love is for other girls, not me. That is so depressing to admit. Can someone as smart as me actually believe this? I hope not really. Maybe its just a stage. Is this blog too personal to even share? ummm, I'm gonna publish it right away in case i change my mind. Cause I'm really working on this honesty thing. Honesty brings change i think. here goes...