Thursday, January 22, 2004
You guys are beautiful. Do guys like to hear that? i don't know maybe its a girly thing to you. But sometimes when I read the things you write I'm amazed that in your feelings of weakness you seem so much stronger to me. I don't think i'm alone in thinking this.
I think about being a mom alot. My mom was amazing. Its kind of intimidating to think about sometimes. She stayed at home with me until I was sixteen and then she got a job only because she needed to. But I want more than a family. Don't get me wrong- I want to be there for my kids when they're young, I think thats important. But I want to do so much. Its intimidating being a girl. Especially when I grew up seeing that even though my dad had big dreams for me, my mom was expected to stay home. Its not that she had any problem with it, and my dad probably saw it as him giving her the luxury of being home with me- they really liked me. I have dreams that I will be a patient mom who doesn't yell at her kids in the grocery store or treat them like they're stupid because they actually act their age. I want the kind of family that shows that they love each other. I have every intention of marrying a sentimental man who's affectionate and that when we're in public that people think "wow, they all really love each other". That is my biggest dream. If I had that I would be satisfied even if I didn't have the greatest job in the world. But I think I will have a great job. God's got a lot of work to do to get stuff together for me i think.
