The Legoland Convention

There has been a lot of talk flying about lately concerning Geniuses and who they are, etc, and I believe (as my colleague Josh will agree) that such flippancy on the subject can only serve to undermine the natural order of things: that is, the domination of all others by we Geniuses.

To this end I, as a resident, self-confirmed Genius, declare this to be Genius Appreciation Week. I give joy to those who have previously declared their Geniusity (even when it was not always the popular thing to do) and hope that one day we can all be recognized as the truly groovy forms of life that we are. In addition to my declaration of this week as Genius Appreciation Week I hereby state that this tradition must be repeated each and every year, but only once every year, said celebration being marked mainly by a Fitting Speech from the dominant cultural Genius followed by the official naming of the Most Outstanding Achievement In The Field of Unnecessary Humbleness award winner.

To wit: the recipient of this first of many future awards is, as I'm sure my fellow Geniuses will agree, undeniably deserving. She is in fact none other than our own Sara-Lynn Freeman. Sara-Lynn, some beings are born with an awareness of their Genius, and some must have that awareness thrust upon them; you are truly one of the very groovy. Keep up the good Genius work.

Now it is time for the Fitting Speech and General Closing Comments of annual Genius Appreciation Week. I have the great honour this year of being the dominant cultural Genius, and as such I will close out the ceremony. The following is an entry from my personal journal, penned approximately one year ago, and seems today to be a decidedly timely and well-positioned piece of work:

"I know I’m a genius because of three simple facts that I’ve learned about past geniuses during my time on this sad earth that needs my help so badly. Firstly, I’m zany. All the geniuses that I’ve ever studied or heard of have had a high zaniness factor. Secondly, I generally have deep and profound thoughts when surrounded by other people. Small and large groups both will find me thinking of all kinds of things that would benefit them and their world. Some refer to this phenomenon simply as “zoning out”, but I prefer to use the more accurate description “deep and profound thinking”.

Thirdly, I have a singular skill that rises above the ability and comprehension of the modern human being. At this point in my young and productive existence, I believe I have pinpointed this almost supernatural talent – world domination. Yes, I believe I have a unique and valuable vision of the real world in which we live; an almost overpoweringly objective and all-encompassing view that enables me to handle all of the affairs of men with ease and panache. While it is true that most geniuses’ extraordinary skills exhibit themselves early on in childhood, I believe that the late realization of my true talents stems from the fact that there is no real consciousness in society of the need for world dictatorship. Because of this, I never truly had a conscious societal model into which to project my rare abilities.

Also, taking into consideration the planet Earth’s present unreadiness to adopt this form of government, I estimate myself to be approximately two-hundred years ahead of my time, which also makes me pre-cogniscient. Hopefully someone else as gifted as me will come along when the world is ready to acknowledge world domination’s superiority as a form of government."

Thank you.