The Legoland Convention

We had been together for almost three years. I remember the first time I asked her to dance.

“Umm.. would you ... would you ... will you dance with me?”

Grade 12: high school prom. Neither of us had gone with a date. She had just broken up with her boyfriend, Todd Harvey, like 3 weeks before. I really admired her for going.

It all started before even that, though, at least for me. Grade 9, she was the new kid in school, from out of state. The moment she walked in the door, I couldn’t take my eyes off of her. She sat down right in front of me.

For four straight years, we were in the same Chemistry class, and for four straight years she had that lab counter right in front of mine. I was a nerd in school, always good at science and math, so she would turn around sometimes and ask for help with a problem she couldn’t quite get. But she was never condescending, not like Julie Arnold, her lab partner.

I always used to walk home from school. One day, I saw her walking about a block ahead of me. She lived just down the road from me. My heart quickened, and so did my pace. But I knew I’d never catch up without running, and if I ran, then she’d know. But she turned, and stopped, and waited for me. That was the day I fell in love. But not she.

She even invited me over every now and then to help her with her Chemistry homework. We stayed up three nights straight studying for the final exam in Grade 12. It was all pretty easy stuff for me, but I never once got bored. And guess what, she passed the exam, and when she saw me, she gave me the biggest hug. And it broke me. I had never been in love before.

We lost touch after grad, but I never stopped thinking about her. I didn’t go to school right away, I couldn’t afford it. So I found a few jobs around town for a couple of years, and stayed at my parent’s place until I could afford tuition. I liked being home, it was nice, but eventually it was time to leave, to go be a man. I enrolled in college, got accepted, and off I went. I didn’t know anybody there, and I didn’t get along with my roommate in the dorm, either. I was alone.

And you’ll never guess who was in my Chemistry class, sitting right in front of me. I didn’t talk to her right away, I didn’t have the guts. But she turned around about 3 weeks into the class looking for an eraser. Our eyes locked. She recognized me! After 3 years, and she still knew who I was.

We had lunch together after class, and next thing you know, we’re best friends. We hung out all the time, went to movies together, studied together. She had traveled after high school, visiting family all over the world. But now she was here, at my school, not knowing anybody but me. And I loved her.

I finally got the guts to ask her out at the end of freshman year. She said no.

We didn’t see each other much over summer, but come fall, things were back to normal. We were studying, what else, chemistry in her room. We were sitting beside each other on her bed, and I was explaining an equation to her. I leaned in to point out something on the page.

“You see this here?” I looked up, and she was right there, looking at me. I kissed her, and she kissed me back. I have never trembled so much in my life as I did when I kissed her. And that’s how it all started, December 1999.

One day, she told me she loved me, and I felt like a man.

Over the next two-and-a-half years, I only grew to love her more, and for once, she felt the same way. I could actually tell her I loved her, show her I loved her. I didn’t have to hide it anymore. After junior year, we both took time off school to work. Tuition had gone up, so we both went home to work. It was my decision at first, to go home that is, and she followed me. She followed me.

I looked forward to starting a family together, to raising kids together. I was happy when she was happy, and I cried when she cried. I looked forward to being a husband, a father, a man.

It was March, 2002. We broke up. It was bad, it was messy. I said a lot of mean things. I was going to ask her to marry me in a week. I don’t want to talk about it.

For six months, I felt like shit. I didn’t know what to do with myself. Day in and day out, I did my job at work, saving up money to finish school. I didn’t even really want to go back, but I was so close to graduation, I figured I might as well. It’s not like her and I were going to see each other there. I was in Sciences, and she in English. In senior year, the courses don’t tend to overlap much.

It was a big school; I didn’t think there was much danger. I was in the library, signing out books for a research project. I saw her outside, crying. It was obvious that she was crying. And it broke me. I still loved her. I contemplated going out there to talk to her, to console her. I was over all that anger shit, and the revenge shit. I grew out of that. I was scared more than anything. But I did it, because I was her man. I knew her better than any other person. We had shared so much, we didn’t have to be going out for me to care and be her man.

So I took a deep breath and walked outside. The sun was shining; it was a gorgeous day. She was sitting on the steps of the library, about 60 feet from the door. I stopped, took another deep breath, and stopped to tie my shoe. I was stalling.

I stood up, and started to walk. At about 50 feet, I saw a guy sit down beside her. Another guy. He put his arm around her, and she kissed him. And she cried on his shoulder. I stopped in my tracks. That was supposed to be me.

I was that guy, the guy she came to when the world seemed upside down. I was the guy that she shared all her secret joys and sorrows with. When she laughed, she laughed at my side, and it made me laugh. When she cried, she cried on my shoulder, and it made me weep.

I was supposed to be her man. I was going to marry her and be that guy forever. That was supposed to be me.

But alas, I forgot my place. And I walked, right past them, in the rain. I heard her weep on his shoulder. And it broke me.

That was the worst moment of my life.


"Love and hate get it wrong
She cut me right back down to size
Sleep the day let it fade
Who was there to take your place
No one knows never will
Mostly me but mostly you
What do you say do you do
When it all comes down"

"I don't wanna come back down from this cloud
Taken me all this time to find out what I need"