The Legoland Convention

could be weeks until i hear what store in london, if ever.

i am not just going to sit here and wait and maybe never get a position here.

i would just try and find another job here, but everyone at our hostel is having a horrible time finding any work whatsoever. i don't want to sit here on my butt waiting to hear or pounding the streets finding no work, all the while my money that i do have disintegrates beneath me paying rent (£75/week = $150/week) plus all food and travel (every day for the tube it is £5 = $10). London is expensive.

so i am coming back to canada.

i feel like i am disappointing all the people who were excited for me. i feel like i am disappointing my friends. i am trying hard to not feel like a failure, which is hard, but really, it's not my fault. am i giving up too quickly? maybe, but i don't really think so. i have had a very nice holiday, and now that i am not going to be stressing about the work thing i am really going to be able to enjoy my last few days here. i have been waiting for quite some time to hear. Starbucks has had 3 months to find me a position. I am fed up.

i am ok, but i hardly want to face everyone i just said goodbye to. i have not failed, but i have not done what i expected or wanted to. i am frustrated and angry.

and i am trying to decide what the next step is.

to change my flight was easy, and it takes me back into Vancouver. but i don't think i will stay in the area, not for long anyway. i am all geared up for an adventure of sorts, and even if its not overseas somewhere, i think i need to say goodbye to the lower mainland. but what, and when, i don't know.

i am thinking of maybe joining the ranks of the ontarians. or perhaps the maritimes. i think i will stick to canada. 3rd time is a charm, maybe, for me to learn my "just try and leave the country" lesson.

but i am not mad at God. not even frustrated with him. i am confident that i "moved" to london for a reason, that i said my goodbyes, that i got turned around again.

i will rise out of the ashes.

and i have had a great trip. wouldn't trade it for anything. i've caught the travel bug. going to make a point of travelling at least once a year to some far away place. from my place in canada. canada is my place, apparently. and i'm ok with that.

so, i will see you all soon.