The Legoland Convention

Does anyone remember me trying to goad Nigel into a fist fight or kicking over his keyboard in pure frustration? How about the time that I got Caleb so mad that he almost mashed my face in with an Ikea stool? I once believed that such incidents as these were a thing of the past, a measuring stick that allowed me to gauge how far I had come since my second year of school, when I had a huge chip on my shoulder and an attitude problem that defied normal human condition. I can even remember the day that I fully came to realize that I had a problem that was affecting not only my relationships with the people around me, but was seemingly cutting me off from God and what he had planned for my life. It was the first day of school in my third year, and I had taken my roommate and one of his friends out for pizza at Jays. While we were there, we met up with some guys from school, so I let one of the girls take my chair and I went and grabbed another one from another table. One of the guys then made a remark about how it was almost a shock to see me do something nice for someone. I know he meant it mostly as a joke, because everyone laughed, myself included, but it was the little bit of truth to that statement that stuck around with me. So, I decided to make a conscious effort to improve my attitude. I found someone to keep me accountable on my attitude and anger, as well as other parts of my life. I dove head first into my devotions and began rebuilding my relationship with God, and it was working, I could see a change in my life and it became noticeable to the people around me.
However, as of late I have found myself back in the same boat I was in during my second year. I see myself getting angry and irritated over little things, and I see myself verbally trying to damage relationships with people. I can also see that all this is bleeding in to my relationship with God. My devotions and prayer life have taken a very solid hit, and I know that at times it seems like I am so far away from Him that it would be easier to roll over and quit rather than persevere and work towards reconciling myself to Him. I guess when I think about it, I see these problems manifesting themselves throughout this entire last year. It was evident in the way I handled problems, in the way I spoke to my friends, even in the way that I wasn't able to let hurts go, and carried unforgiveness toward certain people in my heart.
I probably would have been able to sweep all this stuff under the rug, and been able to pretend that nothing was wrong, but like that night at Jays, something has prodded me to self examination and the fact that I need to shape up or ship out. You see, today at work I was pulled aside by the manager, who told me that there had been some complaints from customers and other staff about how I was dealing with people, and that I seemed to have an attitude problem that was causing offense to people. I was given three options, I could either a) Work on my attitude and try and improve it, b) quit right then and there or c) be fired if this trend continued. My first thought was to quit and throw in the towel, but I caught myself. I know that the manager didn't have to offer me any choices, she could have just let me go, no questions asked, but we are also friends outside of work, and she wanted to either let me leave with my dignity intact or to be humble and acknowledge that I have to change. I chose the unbeaten path and am sticking it out, with the knowledge that my attitude has to improve. It won't be easy, because even though I have been down this road before, it wasn't easy the first time, and trying to deal with the same issue a second time probably means that I have to go deeper with myself and with God and try and pinpoint some root causes that I have to deal with. So I ask for you to keep me in your prayers, and for those who see me on a semi-regular basis to keep me somewhat accountable, because left to my own devices I will crash faster than a drunk driver at a Nascar race.